I have had chronic pain and exhaustion for over 10 years, and had 6 surgeries in 6 years. I have had 3 back surgeries (2 laminectomies and a spinal fusion). I have had both hips replaced, and in the middle of all that I broke my ankle which needed metal and screws to put back together. I now have metal in 4 parts of my body and the scar tissue is very painful. My doc believes I have Chronic Pain and Fibromyalgia (which my mom was diagnosed with, but pain meds work for her). When the pain started to get bad 10 years ago, I was sent to various pain management clinics. None of the pain meds they gave me worked on me at all. As each medicine did not work, I would go back and tell them (my personal doc thinks I have something wrong with my neuro recepters). I think they thought I was selling the meds or something, so I started to bring back each prescription when it did not work, to show them I was not abusing the meds. With the opioid epidemic, I had to defend myself and my pain constantly as doctors didn't want to believe me it was that bad. For over 2 years, I cried myself to sleep as I was punching my mattress trying to deal with the pain. The pain was so intense, I would only be able to sleep for 10-15 mins, before having to change positions to try and reduce the pain. After a few months of not sleeping well, it started to have a strong impact on my mental health. Since none of the meds works, I seriously considered suicide several times as it was the only way to get away from the pain. Every time I started to write out a suicide plan, the only thing that stopped me was thinking about what would happen to my pets if I were to die. After years of my insurance company mandating that I try every medication on the market before they would approve any surgeries, I started to get really sick. I throw up several times a year now. I went to a Natural Path doctor and he found I have several infections, one of which is Candida. This disease mandates every minute of my life. I cannot eat most foods. The smell of some foods will make me sick to my stomach, and sometimes I will even throw up. He gave me a combo of herbal & pharmaceutical meds and said I would feel much better in several days...I never felt any better. I know the way to get rid of candida - no sugar, no gluten and no dairy for 6 months, but I have bad food aversions (likely from the candida), so if I limit my diet, I will not eat at all. As it is, I have to eat something of substances (no juices or smoothies) every 2-3 hours or I will get very sick. When I wait too long to eat, I am so sick I cannot even walk. I do what reminds me of Lamaze breathing when I am this sick as I feel like I am going to throw up every second. At first the sickness would only last a few hours, then it progressed to lasting a few days. When I had my 2nd hip replaced in 2015, the sickness was so bad it lasted for 3 weeks. I truly wanted to die as life was not worth living when you are that sick. During all of these surgeries, the pain meds would make me so sick, I would throw up daily. So for my hip replacement in 2015, I only took limited pain meds through my IV to try avoid getting sick...try having a complete hip replacement with almost no pain meds!!!! The hospital had to give me anti-nausea meds frequently as just the amount of pain I was experiencing is enough to make you throw up. I have tried so many things to get better and have spent tens of thousands of dollars on doctors, treatments, procedures, meds, acupuncture, CBD, pain creams, sublingual meds, etc. For years, I have just wanted to give up, but I know that means I will die. I am a fighter, and have fought as hard as I could for so many years, but I am not sure how much more "fight" I have left in me. Most days I do not even want to get out of bed. I think most people in my position would lay down and give up, but I am single. If I do not take care of myself, no one else will. My dogs rely on me to provide shelter and food, so giving up is not an option...but that does not stop my brain from obsessing over getting rid of the pain. I do not have any other options to get over this and I am tired of fighting. I want my life back...PLEASE HELP ME GET MY LIFE BACK!!!!!! I am a good person who believes in helping others as much as I can...but I need someone to help me now. As I am typing this, the tears are streaming down my face. I do not have anywhere else to turn - please, please, please help me. I REFUSE to allow this to be the last chapter in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!